The notes of a meeting at which the House of Bishops’ Theology Committee discussed nominations to the secretive committee currently preparing a report on same-sex relationships have been leaked to Episcopal Café. While the list is partial and the members of the panel remain unknown, the document may offer insight into the bishops’ thinking.
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Dick Cheney, former vice president, United States
Pros: experience with secret panels/ task forces; demonstrated ability to work in undisclosed locations; perspective as parent of a lesbian.
Cons: his unorthodox methods of eliciting information might compromise our ability to attract other members.
Katie Perry, songstess
Pros: personal examination of same-sex relationships yielded hit record.
Cons: kisses and tells.
C. S. Lewis, author
Pros: wrote The Lion, The Witch and the Closet, which established sacred nature of secretive endeavors.
Con: “Closet” rendered as “Wardrobe,” in some translations.
Marcel Marceau, mime
Pros: doesn’t mind keeping quiet.
Cons: always clowning around.
Brett Favre, retired (or is he?) quarterback
Pros: demonstrated ability to prolong decision making process.
Cons: prone to interceptions (see Anglican Communion Institute).
Jesus of Nazareth, Lord, Savior
Pros: Son of God.
Cons: said nothing on the subject.
Lion
Pros: lacks courage.
Cons: none.
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If you, too, have received notes from this meeting, please include them in our comments section.