What are the theological and ethical conundrums inherent in friending (or ignoring) old flames on Facebook?
Avoiding Old Flames on Facebook
That it’s only a virtual friendship is all the more reason to stay away from it.
Jenell Williams Paris, guest blogger
From the Her.meneutics, the Christianity Today blog for women
Toward the end of spring semester, I set a box labeled “I Always Wanted to Ask” on the table at the front of my class. I invited students to write down lingering questions about sex and gender, the subject of our course at Messiah College. A panel comprising five students and me, the professor, responded to all the questions. A classic one emerged: “Can men and women be ‘just’ friends?” It elicited a classic response. “Yes,” I said, “but only by taking romantic potential into account in some way. And no, if the man and woman have been romantically involved with each other.” Most students advocated for platonic friendship and kindly pointed out that the world has changed since the dinosaur age in which I came of age.
I won’t rehearse the dialogue that ensued, but I’m slipping a related question into the box: Is it wise to “friend” old flames on Facebook?
. . .
I know what full-blown adultery is, but fidelity is breached long before physical acts occur. How about looking at an ex’s profile pictures and imagining the life you could have had together, the children you could have been raising, the house you could have bought? How about looking at old photos your ex has posted, remembering the encounters you had in that time and place? How about indulging the brief thrill that arises when his or her name appears in your e-mail inbox or your Facebook wall (the rush is fueled, after all, by past words and experiences shared only between the two of you)? How about nurturing the notion that you missed your chance with your real soul-mate by keeping in touch with the supposed soul-mate? These actions and attitudes may not be adultery, but they certainly do not represent loyalty.