Barbie ordained to the priesthood

Toymaker Mattell™ would not comment today on reports that Barbie™ has left the toy and fashion world to enter the Episcopal priesthood.

News from Boston broke earlier this week that the Rev’d Barbara Hightower Smythe of the Diocese of Atlanta, for years known simply as “Barbie”, appears to have received a Masters of Divinity degree from the Episcopal Divinity School in Cambridge, MA, and after having done an internship at famed Trinity Church, Copley Square, is now serving in an Episcopal parish somewhere in the northeastern US. The Rev. Dr. Katherine Ragsdale, dean and president of EDS confirms that Hightower Smythe graduated magna cum laude.

Unitarian Universalist minister, fashion maven and part-time paparazzi Peace Bang, who writes Beauty Tips for Ministers, discovered Hightower Smythe and broke the news.


Photographs of the famed 11 inch tall doll clearly show her wearing the professional garb of Episcopal ministry.

Observers speculate it will be hard for Hightower Smythe to put aside the frivolities of her fashion years for the serious work of ministry, as her “Friends of Episcopal Priest Barbie” fan page now on Facebook demonstrates.

The Rev. Dr. Elizabeth Keaton, of Chatham, New Jersey, on seeing the pictures of Mo. Barbi, said, “There’s something about a woman in a long black dress and a biretta that just screams the question, ‘And this is traditional clergymen’s clothing?'”

While refusing to comment on individual seminarians or ordinands during a recent news conference, Episcopal Church Director of Communications Neva Rae Fox appeared visibly relieved that a celebrity managed to enter holy orders in the Episcopal Church without first having a public scandal.

Barbie has not returned requests for comment at press time.

Other stories catching attention today:

Church of England seeking new brand

Pope to be ABC for a day

Friends of Jake begins new venture with apps for iPods

First off is an app called Substantiator. Are you ultra-concerned about whether or not your host is properly consecrated? How can you tell what the true intentions of the eucharistic presider really are? What if they don’t believe the host and wine are turned into the acutal body and blood of Christ? What if it would totally gross you out if they did? Well now, the Substantiator app can answer all your questions.

Simply download the app on your Iphone or Ipod touch (beta version will shortly be available for the new Ipad), and open it up as the Eucharistic prayer starts. Using very specific algorithms and state of the art lie-detector technology, by the end of the prayer, you will be able to determine whether tran- or con- substantiation has occured (or whether the presider is really just all about the anamnesis of the moment, if you know what I mean…). The specific belief of the presider will be clearly displayed on the Iphone or Ipod, so that you can make a determination if the sacrament will meet your spiritual needs. No more guessing!

More apps available at Friends of Jake blog!

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