Daily Reading for June 25
All religious groups I know about seem to have many people who are afraid of conflict. They cannot distinguish in their minds between disagreement and condemnation. Afraid to say “no,” they live with things they cannot agree with or do jobs they do not really want to do. One day they explode. Then the situation often cannot be repaired, and the group has a problem that may take years to overcome, if it can be overcome. . . .
I have been aware of people storming out of meetings after committing atrocious behavior, and the rest of the group then nervously wondering how they could get the offender back. Such groups operate with the unspoken belief that if they stand up against bad behavior and for their basic principles, they will not survive. The opposite, in fact, is true. One compromise leads to another, and their major goals are missed altogether, because there is no backbone in the organism.
There is no law against conflict in either the Hebrew or Christian Scriptures. Rather than encouraging silence, the New Testament urges readers to “speak the truth in love.”. . . Jesus is not remembered as just going along with things for the sake of apparent peace. In fact, the gospels have him on one occasion more or less “disowning” his mother and brother and sisters when they tried to stop him from disturbing the public mind. . . .
There is nothing wrong with saying, “I think you did the wrong thing,” or, “Where I disagree with you is. . . .” (It is often helpful to ask a question first, however!) There is everything wrong with saying, “Because you did such and such, you are stupid, worthless, etc.”. . .
Conflict—disagreement discussed thoroughly and fairly—is the primary means of advancing the truth. Careful listening and thoughtful response advance common understanding and progress. Conflict that is kept on the level of ideas but does not discuss personalities is a sign of health, of thinking. . . .It is no sin to disagree vigorously with an idea or someone’s perception of events. On the other hand, perhaps it is a sin to confuse being valuable with being right. Surely, no one is always right! The first sign of healthy humility is the ability to be taught. Conflict without nastiness, then, may be the most caring path of all.
From “Conflict Advances Truth” in Messages in the Mall: Looking at Life in 600 Words or Less by Paul V. Marshall. Copyright © 2008. Seabury Books, an imprint of Church Publishing. Used by permission of Church Publishing Incorporated, New York, NY. www.churchpublishing.org