I wish I had known.
A poem’s preamble:
I wonder if the women becoming bishops and
Politicians are not simply
Climbing the ladder of
Patriarchy by becoming Patriarchs?
I wonder if the cowardly leadership
Of a dominating Patriarch is taking
Rather longer to die that we originally
Thought.
Sam was ordained last week.
He attended my ordination as a teenager, 20 years ago.
I entered that process at the same age Jesus
reportedly was,
when He was tortured and died.
“I wish I had known”- a poem of loss and light
Charles LaFond, Poet.
I wish I had known.
I wish I had known.
I wish I had known
How beautiful it was to be
A minister.
The people who trust one with
Their darkest secrets.
The music that soars as on eagle’s wings.
The serenity some have as they leave
on Sundays – heading to their cars
with slightly more hope,
more courage, more questions.
I wish I had known how beautiful it was.
I wish I had known.
I wish I had known how evil it was.
I wish I had known about the clergy
Competition, the egos
(including mine)
swollen like boils, leaking, staining
Unseen beneath copes.
Under Mitres.
I wish I had known.
I wish I had known how dangerous it is
To hold bishops accountable.
The tools they have to pounce,
To destroy,
To lawyer-up and attack.
I wish I had known
how many wonderful clergy
and even some bishops, there remain;
The ones who are honest.
The ones who are kind.
The ones who are faithful
to caring for congregations
Rather than cultivating retirement packages
By climbing, climbing, climbing
Into rich churches and
Moted thrones.
Silent golden parachutes,
Smelted from golden pectoral crosses.
Amethysts floating, skimmed off the top
Like closed oysters.
I wish I had known.
I wish I had known
How God
Would use my study for my conversion.
I wish I had known how little the scriptures
Would take part.
And how much the walks on beaches would.
And the dogs.
I wish I had known.
I wish I had known
How dangerous it was to write about a bishop.
I wish I had known how liberating the
Violent responses would be.
That I would, in the end, be poor, but free.
I wish I had known.
I wish I had known how dangerous
It was to wear a clergy shirt.
To be so arrogant as to
Try to wear spiritual posturing.
And I wish I had known how
Easy it is to weaponize an amethyst.
I wish I had known.
I wish I had known
So that I could warn Sam in time.
I wish I had known so that
I might have been content
To be a good agnostic
Rather than a bad Christian.
Rich.
Retired by now.
But unrefined by the crucibles
I wish I had known,
Also,
That to be a priest today
Means that one may
Host the annihilation
Of patriarchy.
That the good clergy can still do good
By ripping the Church down
to its second century foundations.
Of peace.
Of love.
Of humility.
I wish I had known.
I wish I had known
That the Margaret Thatcher Syndrome
Would delay good leadership
Just when we thought women
In power might change things.
And some good ones do.
I wish I had known that many
Are really, so often, just more climbers.
And I am glad to know,
Today,
That some Bishops and some clergy,
Like Sam,
Can make a difference.
Can dismantle the Church’s cathedrals
And build shelters
For the poor.
For the homeless.
For the destitute.
I wish, in the end,
That I had known
How important was the difference between
Saint Augustine,
And Saint Clare.
Yes. Indeed.
That I wish I had known.
—
Charles LaFond is a fundraiser, poet, novelist, author, potter living alone with his dog Sugar on a cliff, on an island, in the Salish Sea.