Notes of secret panel selection leaked to Episcopal Café

The notes of a meeting at which the House of Bishops’ Theology Committee discussed nominations to the secretive committee currently preparing a report on same-sex relationships have been leaked to Episcopal Café. While the list is partial and the members of the panel remain unknown, the document may offer insight into the bishops’ thinking.


Dick Cheney, former vice president, United States


Pros: experience with secret panels/ task forces; demonstrated ability to work in undisclosed locations; perspective as parent of a lesbian.

Cons: his unorthodox methods of eliciting information might compromise our ability to attract other members.

Katie Perry, songstess


Pros: personal examination of same-sex relationships yielded hit record.

Cons: kisses and tells.

C. S. Lewis, author


Pros: wrote The Lion, The Witch and the Closet, which established sacred nature of secretive endeavors.

Con: “Closet” rendered as “Wardrobe,” in some translations.

Marcel Marceau, mime


Pros: doesn’t mind keeping quiet.

Cons: always clowning around.

Brett Favre, retired (or is he?) quarterback


Pros: demonstrated ability to prolong decision making process.

Cons: prone to interceptions (see Anglican Communion Institute).

Jesus of Nazareth, Lord, Savior


Pros: Son of God.

Cons: said nothing on the subject.



Pros: lacks courage.

Cons: none.


If you, too, have received notes from this meeting, please include them in our comments section.

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