by Kimberly Knowle-Zeller
Hymn: Today I Awake
Today I awake and God is before me.
At night, as I dreamt, God summoned the day;
For God never sleeps but patterns the morning
with slithers of gold or glory in grey.
Today I arise and Christ is beside me.
He walked through the dark to scatter new light,
Yes, Christ is alive, and beckons his people
to hope and to heal, resist and invite.
Today I affirm the Spirit within me
at worship and work, in struggle and rest.
The Spirit inspires all life which is changing
from fearing to faith, from broken to blest.
Today I enjoy the Trinity round me,
above and beneath, before and behind;
The Maker, the Son, the Spirit together
they called me to life and call me their friend.
I’m pregnant and in my second trimester. I have a toddler at home, too. So sleep is essential. But sometimes elusive. I’m also in that period where dreams are crazy – not only bizarre, but sometimes downright scary. There are dreams that refuse to be swept away in that time between sleep and wakefulness. The scenes just keep playing. As if my subconscious is trying to tell me something, but all I want to do is wake up and know that my family is safe.
Some night are worse than others.
Restless legs, discomfort, going to the bathroom multiple times, feeling hungry and thirsty, exhaustion, tossing and turning. All I want is for sleep to come.
Pregnancy brings with it the feeling that time is simultaneously moving quickly and slowly. I want to not be so uncomfortable; I want to meet my child, but I also have so much left to do in preparation for his or her arrival.
I also hold close to the fleetingness of life when pregnant, and the reminder that nothing is guaranteed. I remember my friends who have not had the chance to bear a child. I say a prayer for those grieving the loss of a child and dreams. I hold my breath and wait with those awaiting a positive pregnancy test.
Perhaps I should sing this morning hymn each day as a reminder that in my fitful nights and in my waiting, God is with me.
Today I awake and God is before me.
At night, as I dreamt, God summoned the day;
For God never sleeps.
For God never sleeps bears witness to the God who is with us in all our journeys.
A pleasant reminder as I turn and wrestle and sigh in discomfort. A needed reminder when the fears and doubts of the day creep in. A powerful reminder when the ways of the world are so far from God’s kingdom.
For God never sleeps while parents await the birth of a child.
For God never sleeps while families grieve in the darkness of the night.
For God never sleeps when pain becomes unbearable.
For God never sleeps when dreams are crushed.
For God never sleeps when injustice quells our spirits.
For God never sleeps.
God summons the day and summons us to be the light and truth and hope in the world. God summons us with strength to face each day.
Yes, Christ is alive, and beckons his people
to hope and to heal, resist and invite.
And God never leaves us alone:
Today I enjoy the Trinity round me,
above and beneath, before and behind;
The Maker, the Son, the Spirit together
they called me to life and call me their friend.
Kimberly Knowle-Zeller is an ordained ELCA pastor, mother of a toddler, and spouse of an ELCA pastor. She lives with her family in Cole Camp, MO. Her website is http://www.kimberlyknowlezeller.com