Ann Fontaine
“But I feel so betrayed” choked out, as Frank told me of the admiration and faith he had felt for his priest and rector, Jess, and the sense of loss from the current revelations about the priest’s activities. This priest had such a formative role in the man’s spiritual journey. Frank had wandered far from his childhood faith as he left home for college, married, and grew his business. His wife and kids went to church but he thought – that’s just for kids and people who are not able to make it in the “real world.” “ I’d rather play golf.”
One day, sorting through his mail, he saw the flyer from the church about a book study led by the rector. It was a book that had intrigued him. He thought, “What the hell, I’ll make Susan happy by doing something church-y. I want to read that book anyway.” That was the first step into a deep relationship with the study group, the rector and God. His faith and life were changed.
Today, Frank wonders, “Was it all a sham? Was I just conned? Did he use me? Or is it a vendetta by those who don’t like him?” The man, who had such influence in Frank’s life of faith, was being accused of things that seemed very contrary to the preaching and teaching Frank had heard from Jess.
Currently, there are news articles about a rector in Colorado and a Bishop in the UK. Allegedly, each has engaged in conduct that has resulted in heartbreak. There have been vigorous denials from supporters, and calls for prosecution by others. These are just the latest in a long history of what is called in the canons “conduct unbecoming a member of the clergy.” The dynamic is the same whenever this occurs. The cleric is defended or vilified with very little middle ground.
What is it about humans that we cannot accept complexity in our heroes? Does it have to be all good or all bad? Are the ideas and faith gained in relationship to a person all worthless if the person is deeply flawed? Must we have idols that we then destroy when their clay feet are revealed?
I was talking about this with a friend who had been deeply betrayed. I was asking her how she was able to keep the good and let go of the bad in this person. She believed that the bad does not cancel out the good. Though the incident was terrible, it formed her and gave her understanding. The pain is always there in the midst of the good things about the person, but, for her, it is a reminder of the capacity in all of us to do good and to do evil. The choices we make for our futures are based on learning from all of what happens to us, not on forgetting parts of it. Cutting out the bad only results in pushing it down where it can come out in ugly ways. It takes on its own energy, instead of being robbed of its power in our lives. When we incorporate it, it loses its own energy.
I believe it is important to find the facts of the case and to pursue the case. When proven, it is important to restore the victims to fullness of life and important to restore perpetrators to fullness of life through the consequences and making amends. For each of us who have experienced the fall of someone we admired, we can learn more about our own capacity for good and evil, or we can make idols and scapegoats.
We seem to love making our heroes into idols. They fulfill what we perceive as lacking in ourselves. It is difficult to stay in complexity. It is easier to say that someone is all bad or all good. When we put people on pedestals and idolize them, we make them one-dimensional and often the reflection of our own needs. When they fall, we want to smash them and all that their brokenness represents for us. When we refuse to hear the full story, we go into denial and continue to prop up our version of that person.
In the Bible, the heroes are often very fallen. Jacob, the trickster; Rahab, the innkeeper prostitute; and David, the adulterer who has his friend murdered are just a three of these. It seems God is not one to make idols of people, but calls them beloved and uses their gifts for the furthering of God’s kindom.
For Frank, in this story, this can be the beginning of wholeness and healing, (the root meaning of the word salvation) or he can try to return to the Eden of earlier relationship. The angel with the flaming sword stands at that gate. In the story from Genesis – God makes clothing for the exiles and sends them out to journey in the world. It is hard work after the stroll in the Garden, but Jesus promises to walk the path with us, into fullness of life.
The Rev. Ann Fontaine keeps the blogs Green Lent and what the tide brings in. She is the author of Streams of Mercy: a meditative commentary on the Bible.
————————————————–
Reminder: At Episcopal Café, we hope to establish an ethic of transparency by requiring all contributors and commentators to make submissions under their real names. For more details see our Feedback Policy.