As a parish priest, husband, father, and ever aspiring pianist, the one counsel that has captivated me most recently has been the vow of chastity. It has spoken most deeply to my perfectionistic desire to control outcomes in every relationship in my life — far beyond its often narrow interpretation regarding fidelity in sexual conduct.
A community is a flexible and dynamic set of relationships. These relationships themselves are driven by the attitudes and behavior of its members, but they are themselves fed by and altered by the other attitudes and behaviors.
Mark Twain said: “I’ve had many troubles in my life and most of them never happened.” Jesus said: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life. … Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?” If this is true, then why did God create his creatures great and small to constantly anticipate danger in preparation for fight or flight?
The bride in a black cocktail dress with a black veil, carrying a flower bouquet adorned with miniature skulls. The groom in dark slacks, a pirate shirt and a top hat. Theme music from The Addams Family and The Munsters. Guests in costume. That’s what Lisa Panensky and Jim Nieves had in mind when they booked their Halloween 2009 wedding at Westchester County’s Old Dutch Church.
June may or may not be the most popular wedding month but it’s a good time for a heads-up to anyone engaged to be married: the beloved person you have promised to spend your life with — the one who will stand so regally beside you at the altar among the orange-blossoms and peonies, who will hold you so close as you cross the floor to “The Power of Love” or “From This Moment On” — will one day frustrate you more than you can imagine.
During my husband’s job loss in the 1983 recession, we learned useful lessons that we put into our “ NOWork Workshop” for families who wanted to survive and even thrive during those scary years. We based our coaching on a team approach to job loss that stressed the importance of maintaining one’s individuality without becoming a victim or allowing the crisis to consume the family.
Good business, and good economy, is always about good relationships, not about money, or the “mammon god.” Good economy is always about trusting relationships. In Jesus’ parable, the asset manager who loses out is the one who was afraid, so afraid that he was unable to take the risk of economic relationship.
As I contemplated in awe the beauty of the little girl’s innocence, a horrifying thought suddenly came to my mind: “where are her parents?” I was not the only one to wonder where they were; within seconds the little child also realized that she was alone in the midst of strangers. Immediately the smile was erased from her face, and I she began to yell “Mommy, Mommy!”
Like many Anglicans I’ve got the phrase, ‘Bonds of Affection’ rolling round in my head like a melody from the radio that won’t be dismissed. I think about affection and whether it makes relationship or just happens sometimes within it. That gets more wondering about choices and how we make them, and how bonds and choices live together. And that brings an old personal story to mind.
Recently, I have had the privilege of working with couples in pre-marital counseling who met through Match.com or other online dating services, rather than through more traditional means. Some of my parents’ generation are astonished that people would dare risk meeting this way, but their stories demystify the process.